To amuse myself during this year's mediocre American Idol, I have decided to blog as I watch. This way I can share my thoughts, much like a fifth judge would.
Big Mike - he rocked tonight. Kinda like a Barry White, but with muscles instead of an obesity problem. Every person who likes babies is voting for him.
John Park - he thinks he's John Mayer. He's not. I think he could be one of those crossover pop stars who is "really big in Japan."
Casey James - is not a rocker. I would cast him in a Pert commercial. Even Kara doesn't want in his pants tonight.
Alex Lambert - Grant is convinced this guy is related to Adam Lambert. He is certainly not. I think he kinda has a Paul McCartney look. But with a mullet. I am overlooking that because his voice is really smooth. Like buttah'.
Todrick Hall - if there is a God, he will kick this kid off Idol and he will go on to have a successful dance career. (Todrick, not God. Although God could do whatever he wants, really -- we're all just contestants in his Idol-life.) Anyway, there is no career for men who take women's songs, butcher the arrangement and then over sing it. Blech.
Jermaine Sellers - he was one of my faves in the auditions but is slipping down crap mountain. What is that lump on his head?
Andrew Garcia - does anyone else think of Cuba Gooding Jr.? He kicked ass with the Paula Abdul song in Hollywood week. "E" is right (that's Ellen in Randy-speak). He raised the bar and now can't seem to reach it again.
Aaron Kelly - He is so cute. Who was that young kid who almost won this thing a few years back? A smart producer would team those two up and promote their faces all over every piece of merch and bubblegum CD they can get their hands on.
Tim Urban - Okay, I admit, if he wanted to have sex behind the bleachers, I'd probably do it. But I will NOT choose him as the American Idol. Bleacher-sex-idol? Yes. Drive-in-sex-idol? Yes. In-your-parent's-basement-sex? Okay...you get my point.
Lee Dewyze - Simon is on crack. This kid is not the one to beat. He is like every other Daughtry-rocker Idol has pumped out.
Girls night tomorrow...stay tuned.
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2 comments:
You took the words right out of my mouth and changed them to sound better...better than last week for sure! That being said, I would like to see you surprise me a little with something of your own. Maybe try to keep it simple though with not all your tricks at once. That just wouldn't be real DOG!
I love that you tried to find a way to make Idol worth watching instead of just not watching it. Corey would be proud of your commitment to sitting around ;)
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