No, I didn't murder anyone so close your mouth.

So, I don't plan on having kids, for lots of reasons people want to argue with. This is not a debate, it's my decision. However, it's been proven that they make your life miserable.

• They drain your money.
• They steal your freedom.
• They ruin your relationships, especially your marriage.
• They are non-stop work. Who wants a 24/7 job?? With no PAY??
• Children are loud and do not come with Mute buttons.
• They touch things.
• They can not be controlled 100%.
• They will mess up my whole life which I love.

Now now, before you get your panties knot, I know kids are wonderful, they are a blessing. I love kids, they say funny things and are adorable with a clean face, but I also love giving them back to their parents. Apparently once you have them all the other stuff doesn't matter.

Except, I don't have them, so all those other things really DO matter.

Maybe in 10 years I'll change my mind.

But for now, I am requesting when people inquire about my fertility or desire to pop out mini monsters, when I reply "I don't plan to have kids" that they please stop looking at me like I've just confessed to a mass slaughtering.

Thanks, I'd appreciate that.

To The Rude Bike Dude

Dear Rude Bike Dude,
I know that because the law says you can ride on the street that you feel entitled to do so.
I also know that I am in a car and can run your ass over at any time.

So, until you can go 80 km/h turning from the Lewvan onto Parliament Ave, you might want to reconsider calling me "Lady!" and informing me that I can't pull up next to you.

In fact, I can. There are two lanes. And I ain't waiting for your eco-cycling hippie ass to cross the street just because YOU think I should.

So, for next time, please be prepared for me to run you over. Fannie is a force to be reckoned with.

Thank you,
Angela

I think we're getting closer...

to getting our tv show!! The Penguins of Madagascar are getting their own show, so I'm sure it'll be a short jump to us!

Angela and I have been compared to the Penguins from the Madagascar movies. And, well, if you've ever met us or been on a trip with us, it is fair to say it's an accurate comparison.

We always have a plan. And when the plan breaks, we find a creative alternative. We use what we have, (like tongs and a flashlight to open a locked car door) for a quick fix. We do what is nessessary to get things done, even if it isn't pleasant (walking around and digging in the mud for car keys). Just like the penguins, everything we do is a mission, or maybe an adventure. Also, like the penguins, we are constantly opposed by people who are plagued by rampant stupidity, (even if the penguins case, it's just a trio of lemurs).

Together Angela and I form tactis and act as strategists and gadgeteers (I have a slap-chop). We both have different skill sets too. I'm more cool headed and calculating. Angela is the emotional one. I'm sometimes prone to accidents. I'm also appointing myself as the weapons and explosives specialist. I have a knife. I found it in my car. I used to keep it in my purse, but my Mom took it away. Angela is the communicator and unlike some of the penguins, she uses more than just grunts and squeals. Neither of us, is a "Rico" (my favorite penguin) who swallows useful tools, such as dynamite, and regurgitates them when needed.

We are a little different from the penguins too. Obviously, Angela and I are humans and not cartoon. The Penguins have 4 characters, while Angela and I, can get everything done with only 2 of us!

So, now we just have to wait for some tv network to want to find people who are like the penguins! I know I'll be waiting for casting call...

The Bat Cave

Whenever Grant and I went to see a new listing, he always looked for some oddball feature - a hallway that didn't go anywhere, a hidden room, a haunted toolshed, that sorta thing.

When we saw the house we bought, this is what we saw in the basement:









But don't let your eyes deceive you.
Look closer:














Wait for it....

The

Secret

Room!!



Hence, "the bat cave"!














Our realtor wanted to buy him a sign that said "No girls allowed!" Funny or what?!!

And yes, eventually we will tear this out!

This. Is. Teeny. Turner.

Okay, so my first housewarming gift came from Grant's co-worker. She bought this for me.

It's the Cutest. Thing. Ever.

It's a teeny screwdriver. Hence, Teeny Turner. Trust me, it's on there.

The real Tina Turner.

I figured it out!

How to get Angela and I a tv show, I mean. It just kinda hit me (like all my genuis ideas).

The key to getting a tv show is Oprah.

I'm not sure, if we just ask, if she can work her magic. Or if we need to befriend her. Perhaps we can use our hilarity and wisdom to impress her. Who knows, once I get my helicopter, maybe I can bribe with a free ride!

I mean, lets face it O was behind Dr. Phil, and now Gayle and Dr Oz are both getting shows too.

This really seems like the most logical and efficient way to go about getting a tv show.

And I mean if she says No, we can always ask her to get us elected as Co-Prime Ministers. I know Ange and I could sort that shit out!

Floral Curtain Count

One.
Okay, technically it's a lacy-butterfly motif, but close enough.




Two.
Master bedroom. Complete with wallpaper that I have NO idea how to remove.

Three.
And a throw rug. It's not covering anything; it's just in the middle of the room. Note the '60s decorative entry thingy. Like, WTF. And when Dad took the fake plant down, it pretty much blew into smithereens. Good times.

Did I mention the "Bat Cave?"
That's next. Maybe for tomorrow's blog entries. I think Jen and I have done enough blogging for one night!

Just in case you have a breastfeeding emergency

Okay, so, my grandparents do this too: if there is an important paper they want to save, they tape it to the inside of the cupboard door.


Imagine my surprise (well, not, really), when I was checking the cupboards for junk, and I found two papers; one was emergency contact numbers. The other was information on breastfeeding.


Yup. Breastfeeding. In MY new kitchen. Kinda ironic for a childless-by-choice 31-year-old, don't 'cha think? Like, is God saying "You MUST have babies, and when they need breastfeeding, here is the nearest La Leche meeting?"


I know the former owners had teenage boys, so I presume this had been up there awhile!

Craven 2009 After Thought

Jen: I feel like one of those dolls where you press the stomach and it lights up.

Ange: A glo-worm?

Jen: Yeah

I'm wearing the sleeping bag that luckily, for the past three years I've been to lazy to remove from the trunk of my car. I zipped myself right in there thinking it'd be warm. Turns out the Bargain Shop isn't big on wind resistant quality.

Our new house. Or, all the stuff I took to the dump today.

Yes, this is our new home.

It's a fixer upper, for sure.

I am looking forward to renovating it, although I know it will be an endless money pit.

Note the cutesy folk-art mailbox. I was going to tear it off until I learned from the neighbor that it was hand-crafted by the former owner's wife who died of cancer. How can I take it down now??

See the sign that says "Every birdy welcome"?

Well, excuse me, not every one is welcome actually, so we took the sign down.

Hubby and dad at the dump - a 1/2 ton full!

Still to come, the "bat cave", the adventures of "what's-in-the-compost-bin", and "how many types of floral curtains ARE there?"

Growing Up Jennifer (its not easy, but it sure was fun)

As a kid, I was always mesmorized and jealous of the other kids who could draw the five point star with one line. I spent so much time trying to figure it out. When one night lying in my bed in my room covered with pink and white polka dots and Minnie Mouse, it hit me. I got out of bed, grabbed a pencil and paper, while my mom watched in confusion. I proceeded to draw a star. I was so proud of myself I finally fell asleep when I went back to bed.

I was scared to fall asleep because I was worried. I was worried that there were ghosts under my bed. I thought it was because my bed was on a frame with a metal headboard that there were obviously ghosts underneath it. And I also worried about a robber climbing in my bedroom window and stepping on my bed. I eventually lined up all my stuff animals along the wall on my bed underneath the window, and left the stuffed dog on the floor and convince myself, that they would all come to life if I was in danger.

Another strong memory I have growing up is learning to tie my shoes. My parents, of course, tried and tried to teach me, but it wasn't until I wanted to ditch kindergarten sharing time on the rug (because my sharing time was done and I was the only person my 5 year old self cared about), I actually learned. I went to the bathroom to kill some time while ditching class and while sitting on the toilet, it just hit me, completely out of the blue. And I've been able to tie my shoes ever since.

Anyway, there's some insight into my childhood!

Somebody stop me...

from online shopping.

Dear Lord, if I don't cut up my credit cards I'm going to have start trafficking Tim Horton's XL double doubles and start a Taco In A Bag stand to pay for tuition.

Please help me control myself from wanting to indulge in book that only cost a penny online at amazon.ca.

Do not let me create any more excuses to buy television offered products. I'm sure my slap chop will be great, and I'll love the free graty. However, I will survive without the windsheild wonder. Right?? It's just that it would be so helpful and convenient... I can not buy one, even if I have the toll free number memorized.

Thank you for your help, Jennifer

This is how we roll...

Meet Fannie, the Chevrolet Impala. She's clean, roomy, carries us on crazy concert chasing adventures and never breaks down, especially not anywhere near Davidson.

Angela doesn't blog much...

because we don't have New Kids related concerts or cruises to attend.

It's ok. I get it.

I can't believe it's almost been a year since we met Jordan that fateful day in Chapters...

brought together in the biography section, by Dolly Parton and Ted Turner.

Thanks Dolly.

Craven 2009

Well, it's been quite a few weeks since Craven and neither Angela nor I, have updated our blog. The feeling has returned to my fingers since freezing at Craven and I thought I would share our experience.

Friday: Angela and I drove around for an hour trying to find Mike, Lori and Dwayne. By the time we find them, Angela gets a call and has to go back into town... Yeah, so by the time we get back out to Craven from Regina, we heard the last of the Bellamy Bros. But Kellie Pickler and Taylor Swift made the night worth it. Taylor Swift put on a show that was similar to Reba during the 90's. It wasn't a concert, it was a show. It was also a show in the mud, in freezing cold weather with very cool winds. We tried to stay warm by dancing, but it didn't help.
Angela also got hit on. When he asked her name, she told him her REAL name!! But then lied about where she lived. (The next day we both discussed our alter egos in case anyone asked: Janelle and Amanda)

Saturday: More rain... which makes for more mud! Thank god for $1 ponchos and rubber boots. Joe Diffie, Joe Nichols, and Clint Black were also worth wearing a sleeping bag. Angela and I also wore our matching Dolly tank tops!
This was night that Angela wanted to have baileys and coffee to warm up. So at Lori and Dwayne's camper, we had a drink... and made a new friend. Although, I don't recall his name, he was a teacher/councellor/psychic from Meadow Lake. He asked Lori and Dwayne if I was there daughter (they said No since I'm not, and Lori and I are only 7 years in age difference), then he asked if I was single... (And they said YES... geez don't say that). And knowing I was out of his league, he had to check to see if I was "lonely", to which Dwayne replied "Oh Yeah, and Horny too". Thanks Dwayne.
Some of things he said included: looking at Ange and saying "Oh she's cute too", "Let him go, once you let go, you'll just say WOW" , "Am I right or am I wrong, I'm right" to me, even though he just found out I was single. And trying to say goodnight after an hour conversation of him standing in the door way of the camper, he started up with "I haven't slept yet... I'm 43 and I look better than this guy (Dwayne)". He definitely gave us a laugh!

Sunday: and God said "Let there be warmth on Craven, SK". I had McDonalds on Sunday, but they didn't have ketchup, so Ange went back home and got some, because after six months with no McD's, sh'e want some friggin' ketchup too. Jason Blaine, Jake Owen (my new boyfriend), Billy Ray, and George Strait were all great in their own way. Meaning, I would be embarassed to be Billy Ray and be such a tool. I much prefer Robby Ray Stewart on Hannah Montana. Yeah, I like Hannah Montana.

Overall, Craven was great (although, I don't know if Angela remembers through all the rum she drank). It was the best Craven ever, even though it really wasn't. Angela and I have our tickets for next year, Kenny Chesney and Taco In A Bag...

But one thing is for sure, I will not work at 9 am the Monday morning after Craven.

People are still Stupid.

So, as a summer job, I'm employed by the tourist centre in my hometown. I tell people where the campground is, hand out travel guides, and sell local pottery, clothing and other knick-knacks.

This past weekend, a genuis came in, looked at the three giant shelves of pottery and then asked me, "Did you make all this pottery yourself?"

Seriously. Seriously, like WTF man??

Would you walk into a clothing store and ask the cashier if she designed and sewed the clothes. Or the cashier at a candy shop if she made the gum, chips and chocolate bars herself?!

So, I went into my speech about how the crafts are all made by local artists. Not me.

I'm glad to have met the leader of the rampant stupidity plague.

God Bless Craven (and all that comes with it)!

As my new's year resolution I gave up McDonald's. More than six months ago, I told myself that if I went without ANY McDonald's, I could allow myself to have some one night after a day at Craven.

I'm six months clean of my McDonald's habit and two days away from falling off the wagon. I don't know if it's falling so much as jumping.

And you know what? I can't wait! I keep thinking and analyzing and debating what my order should be.

Yep, I'm gonna have me some McDonald's this weekend.

Craven Preparations

For those of you who don’t know what this week is, it’s Craven Week! Best week of the year. This week is filled with anticipation for diehards like myself. I think about Craven all year long and enjoy it way more than Christmas.

So this week before I watch the great performers like Clint Black, Trace Adkins, George Strait, Kellie Pickler and Taylor Swift, I am preparing for almost anything.

--> For the chance that if the rain comes, I will fall in mud and not be allowed to cry.

--> For the hoots and hollers I will receive. As well as the requests to see my gigantic busom for free liquor. (Last year, I bartered 8 beer for one peek, and because it’s Craven, it’s ok to be proud of that)

--> For the best meal I will eat all year. Taco in a bag! Crushed chips and a table spoon of ground beef just taste better at Craven.

--> For the inevitable traffic stop, where the cop will stop us, see we’re in Fanny, it’s not kids joy riding in their grandparents car and then not even ask to see our licences. Just let us go…

Despite the preparations, I just love Craven. I love the adventure. I love the anticipation. I love the unknown. I love the music. I love the food. I love the break from life. I love the huge crowd. I love it all!!

Oh, and Angela, I have my rubber boots packed this year and I promise not to leave them unattended.

"Jen"ius?

I was declared a genius by my Grandpa. So, I'm feeling pretty proud right now.

My grandparents bought a new tv in April. The last one lasted 17 years and it was time for an upgrade.

One Sunday in June, my mom and I ventured out to the farm, only to realize the tv was set to "espanol". So everytime Grandpa pressed mute (which is every commerical break) it said "Silencio" instead of "Mute".

I took the remote and fixed it. For two months it was like that. In one minute, it was fixed and I was a genius!

I hope this genius gene lasts. It might not and I'll be left like my Grandma.

Mom and I made chicken for supper and she wrapped up the left overs and put them in the fridge. Grandma came over and took out the chicken, then ate it. When I walked in the living room she said " I ate that piece of bread that was in the fridge, but it sure was salty". I could not contain my laughter long enough to tell her it was chicken!

Rider Nation: It's a Place, But You Won't Find It On the Map

I have lived in Saskatchewan pretty well my whole life - a brief exception with trips to Alberta in 1989-1990 when my parents moved (and then returned), and when I went to SAIT from 1997-1999. So, for the remaining 27 years I have covered a lot of the province - Fairy Glen, Melfort, Arborfield, Saskatoon, and Regina.

So?

Well, I have always known there was a CFL football team in Saskatchewan. The Roughriders. Every good Saskie-girl knows that. It's the only pro-team in the province in ANY sport. So, through good times and bad, most of us support the team whole-heartedly. That doesn't depend on where you live in Saskatchewan.

But living in Regina--Rider Nation--has brought my awareness of the team to a whole new level. When you live in the same town where the games are actually played at Mosaic Stadium; where you drive by the Roughriders office; shop at the Riders store - two of them; and drive down The Green Mile, people expect that you bleed green. It's extreme. Stores are decorated, people have Rider flags on their cars, and it's all over Facebook. And, you will be hard pressed to find a person in Regina on game day NOT wearing green. In fact, that is usually how I know it IS game day. I don't listen to or watch sports (I can't believe I am actually blogging about sports right now), but I do know that when the /=S=/ logos start to appear in full force and there is a dramatic spike in the amount of people wearing green clothing--it's game day. It even makes me want to watch! Can you believe it? Me!! I am the most uninvolved sports person ever in the history of football. I can see how cult-like behavior develops...you want to watch because all the other people are watching. At least, you think they're watching because they aren't allowed to say they're NOT watching! THINK OF THE TERRIBLE THINGS THAT WOULD HAPPEN IF YOU WEREN'T WATCHING!

However, I am not watching.

This is the time when I like to go shopping. It's a great benefit of living in Rider Nation - you know everyone is either at Taylor Field, or at home watching TSN, so it's a great time to go to those places normally crowded with cars and people. Say, Wal-Mart.

So tonight, on preseason game day, I bought myself some tank tops, some wooden spoons and a bbq lighter and spent some quality alone time at my local Wal-Mart store. Next time I might even get a Rider t-shirt. Maybe even a jersey like the Wal-Mart greeter was wearing.

(Anyone know the score??)