Rules for Partying with Jen

With New Years coming up, I've compiled a list of things mandatory of my peeps when partying with me. Here it goes...

· When peeing outside, always pee downhill, and be mindful of wind direction. I don’t party with people who piss on themselves.

· Do not puke in vehicles. Puke outside. If you’re with Krista you’ll have to use a gas receipt to wipe your mouth and nose

· Do not eat celery after a night of drinking because if you barf it up, it looks like boogers.

· It’s your job to cock block me from leprechauns, mullet men and old ugly guys or anyone wearing Ed Hardy clothing because that makes them a tool.

· If my song is on, we can not go to the bathroom or get a drink or clean any blood or cuts. We MUST dance.

· If my song comes on and we’re talking, talking will cease so singing can commence but continue talking during the instrumental breaks.

· Vodka and Music trump blood. I don’t care I’m bleeding, I’m need a drink! I don’t care I’m bleeding, I need to dance.

· Remind me I’m old everytime I try to order a screwdriver or vodka special. They give me heartburn.

· When I hug a guy on crutches, fall, pull him down to and then pull the table on top, it’s time to leave even though I’m protesting. .

· If the beer tub girl isn’t looking at the money in your hand and flirting with some guy, just take the beer and walk away. Try and grab two beers. The only thing that tastes better than free liquor is stolen liquor.

· If a guy you dance with twirls you around his arm and your feet never touch the ground, you’ve met Mark or Kevin. I can’t remember.

· If a chick hits on the guy you like, get her name and start telling people she has genital warts. Take a page from Pat Benetar, Love is a battlefield.

· Remain hangover free by drinking water and eating crackers before passing out

· If you can’t two step, Krista will teach you. It is a necessary skill

· If I am drunk, and say “let me handle this”. Don’t be fooled I am not in control of the situation and will do the opposite of what should be done.

· If I say I’m not drunk, seriously... I’m loaded. Take my wallet. And my phone. Turn it off and tell me it died. I will need to be tricked to be prevented from drunktexting.

· When someone says its their birthday, If you think they look young or possibly related to you, ask for ID, do it just because you want to creep them later on facebook. It’s acceptable because I do it too.

· Chicks before Dicks unless it’s Hot Patrick or someone of equal hotness

Alright, now let's go party!!!