Grandma's Gems

Not one to disappoint, Grandma's visit was entertaining and enjoyable for her, and for me. She was a bit sad that the spring Farmer's Market doesn't start until next Saturday, but even still, she had a good time.

I did take her and mom to the new Walmart Supercentre. Grandma's first comment was "Holy Sh@t", which may have just been a copy of what mom said. When we got in there she asked me all kinds of questions like "How many people work here?", "Can you imagine what it costs to heat the place?", and of course, "If you got lost out here at night you could get stabbed with a knife."

She also mentioned that when she sees a big store like this she thinks of her mom who didn't have nice things. Growing up in Fort a la Corne on a widower's pension she most certainly did not, which actually makes me appreciate all I have.

As we drove home her comment was, "I'm glad Ange knows where she is driving because I'm shitting nails." I think she meant razor blades, but you get the idea.

But, I think my favorite remark of the weekend was when she was telling me how she is thankful for a warm house, lots of good food, and good kids. But sometimes she crosses off the kids.

Other things she enjoyed immensely: sleeping like a pig, spending her money while she is above ground, the casserole (which was really chili con carne), Cheetos, having Abby and Zeke jump up next to her, having mom grease her up so she's ready for the frying pan (put lotion on her arms and legs), and shopping at London Drugs.

Note to Jennifer: you will be in charge of bringing home head cheese from the next Farmer's Market. You've been warned.

Grant may have felt invaded. We didn't listen to his sign.

Jen's Research Experiment

I'm a University student, so it's imperative that I learn scholarly things. Today I conducted a research experiment and learned that with the addition of Smirnoff Ice, my typing skills seem to be impaired, but its an inverse relationship to my singing skills because they keep getting better!!

Sometimes I can be rude...

So I would like to apologize. Specifically to Brayden's friend, the one who asked Erika to dance and left Brayden and I to make awkward small talk.

First, I will apologize for not knowing your name. But your striped sweater was very nice.

Secondly, I will apologize for making you show your id to verify your age. But you did lie. You just turned 21 on Jan 1. That's not close to 22 yet.

Thirdly, I would like to apologize for my remarks after you asked my super hot friend Erika for her number and she gave it to you. I am sorry for asking her while in front of you "Are you seriously giving him your number?" and then by following it up with "Your REAL number?"

Lastly, I'm sorry for thinking this is so hilarious. I have periodically laughed about it for days. But I do appreciate that your 21 year old self will hit on 25 and 26 year olds.

Walmart Supercenter is not super

Before Jennifer gets all greedy and does all the blogging, accusing me of not having any adventures, I would like to tell a little story about the new Walmart Supercenter.

(I don't have a picture. Jennifer does. WTF? I know, but maybe she can add it.)

This Supercenter just opened on Feb. 10th. Even the mayor was there. It's the first store in the new development out by my house. This is MY Walmart, so I am feeling a little protective from all the nosy shoppers who normally go to the east or north store, but now feel the need to get all up in my face at MY Walmart.

Anyway, this store is ginormous, and has groceries (like ground beef and bananas) and all the other items you've come to expect from Walmart.

The difference at Supercenter Walmart? They don't actually have any inventory. I know what you're thinking. Super Walmart should have super inventory. Maybe it's because I went on a Sunday and all the weekend shoppers have raped and pillaged every aisle. But I am telling you, there WAS NOTHING ON THE SHELVES!

I went to get Grant's deoderant first. That was the only thing I absolutely needed, because I am not sharing mine with Grant. Nothing. I mean, a few yucky old Speed Sticks that even Dad wouldn't use, and Axe in chocolate scent. (Side note for boys: girls do not want your pits to smell like Pot of Gold. Just buy us Pot of Gold.) I managed to find a promo section with some Degree on it, complete with a car odometer on the front and Grant agreed to use it. We can all be thankful for that.

Next, food aisles. Ketchup? Sure, if you want the tiny organic Heinz bottle, or maybe the super-sized Great Value brand.

Okay, dish soap. I am not fussy - Palmolive, Dawn, Sunlight - whatever. I managed to find three bottles left. WAY the hell at the back. Not a place where 5'2 (okay 1 and a half) shoppers can reach.

Then I hit the craft section to refuel for my scrapbooking sessions. They have no glue sticks and no more Cricut cutting mat refills. Except for the 12 inch ones which nobody uses because the machines are $600.

So, needless to say, I was lucky to even survive the crowds, and have no goods to show for it. And y'know how the cashiers usually say "Did you find everything today?" - I was totally ready to say "NO" - and, she didn't even ask. She may not have been awake, actually. Or, maybe her dreads were cutting off the blood supply to her brain.

I stopped for a Tim's double double on my way out. (Yes, there is a Timmy's in the store.) That has really helped to ease the pain. But let's hope next weekend when I take Mom and Grandma here that they ship some more supplies in!

Jen's First Kitchen Fire

Today I was making one of Ange's great recipes that she gets from Kraft Canada. In one pan I was cooking the chicken and in a pot on the other burner, I was boiling water. Since I believe in multi-tasking, I was also on facebook and youtube.

All of a sudden I could smell burning. Bad burning. I looked my chicken, swirled it around, it was fine. I look to the other burner and there are flames! Actual 6 inch flames coming from underneath my pot of water.

So what do I do? I know you're wondering! While remaing calm, I try and blow it out. It got bigger. I said to my dad who was on the couch in the other room, "Uhhhh Dad, Help! Help! It's a fire." He thought I was joking. I said "No really, the stove is on fire, should I pour the water on it?" (Please note I know not to throw water on grease fires thanks to volunteering at the babysitters course in 2008). He shot that idea down. So I did what I do: I took a picture, to remember my first kitchen fire by. And maybe to scrapbook, blog or put on facebook.

The fire burnt itself out. Dad didn't have to get off the couch and I survived.

Men Vs Women in the Headlines!

Not that its really hard to argue women are smarter, I have come up with irrefutable proof as found in the headlines! I looked at over a year of 2009's random headlines, here were the most disturbing:

MEN

1. Man had to be rushed to ER after trying to circumsize himself with nail clippers
2. Racoon bites off penis of pervert (man) as he was trying to rape it
3. Man cuts off penis in name of love
4. Man almost loses penis while humping steel bench
5. Man's penis bitten off in car accident by women (It was his secretary, so this goes in the Boss is a loser category. Also with this news story was a photo of what "two people having an affair might look like")

WOMEN:

1. Women freed after days trapped in recycling bin (In her defense, she was 74 and knocked over by her dog)

So, I analyzed these headlines, can you find a common similiarity of men's stupidity?

It's currently -9 and I'm okay with that.

I never thought I'd be happy to be in the cold instead of say... Florida. But I am.

I'm glad I'm not in Tampa Bay. There's a feces throwing monkey on the loose.

I'm dead serious. Not joking or lying. There is truly a feces throwing monkey on the loose.

For Alicia:

I took Alicia to Arborfeild once. I didn't take her home. I think I should apologize, but I'm sure she made the best of it.

She asked me to write her a blog today since I was texting while being slightly underwork at the office today.

This blog isn't the best (since I'm being forced and the creative juices are frozen), so one day when I'm famous, I'll give her a fake credit at the end of my tv show for being in my entourage and a shout out in the liner notes of my sure to be smash-hit multi-platnium CD.

Actually... she confessed she has a video camera and her life is like an episode of The Office. Maybe she can tape our reality show!

Cha-Ching

I uplifted my grandma's heart today, what did you do?

I told her about receiving a scholarship from the City of Melfort awarded to me by Cumberland College. She's very proud. It sounded like she was tearing up.

So, while I'm being all mushy and feeling-sy, I have to say I know my Grandma and Grandpa Hill would be proud too.

They think it's hard to win a scholarship though. My little secret, just being me. I wrote a write up about being a banker and wanting to go to school this time and being "passionate" about it and being financially responsible, being a Nipawin Kinette and world wide do-gooder. Then I threw in my transcripts from the exams I write for the classes I don't go to. I'm thinking maybe they didn't have the highest standards! Haha.

Please note: this is all in jest, please don't take away the money!