Blogging Insight!

Blogs are kinda like song writing, you have to write a lot to get a hit. I’ve written a lot of blogs, but sometimes its the situation where you have to be there. For example, Grandma Nelson is so much funnier in person. Hence, why I need the TV show!!!

Karma, Faith and Signs

So, I believe things happen for a reason. I believe that for most bad things too. They only seem bad, and could’ve been worse. And the bad things are what make the wonderful things so wonderful. I have faith that things will work out the way they are supposed to. I believe in karma, do good and you’ll receive good, do bad and you’ll receive bad. I also believe in signs. That some moments in life you’ll see something and it’ll shock you.

Well that’s what happened to me this past weekend. I was thinking about a cute boy, who will remain nameless. Later that night when I looked at the chalk board in the hall that said “Happy Birthday Janice”, I notice some writing inside the balloons drawn on the board. It said “Jen” and then below to the left it had this nameless boy’s initials. No one in Biggar would possibly know that. So I think it’s a sign. That and my subconscious is super obsessed with him. He’s reoccurring in way too many dreams.

I’m doing nothing. Well, I guess I’m writing this blog about. But that’s all the action I’m taking. I’m not a crazy stalker.

Could you imagine, “Hi, Cute Boy! I saw our names on a chalk board in Biggar and I dream about you a lot. Wanna hang out??” May as well tattoo CRAZY on my forehead!

Ugh! My shoes...

I was in Biggar on the weekend for a cabaret. During the cabaret, about 6 drinks in (so I was still sober enough to realize what was happening), I went to buy another drink. In line, at the bar I could feel wetness in my socks. I looked down and there was water, two inches deep, everywhere!!!

A toilet in the boy’s bathroom was overflowing. Into the bar. And onto the dance floor. GROSS

Needless to say, this was point I knew that I wouldn’t be forgetting this night. The next day, I didn’t want to put my shoes on. After I touched them to put them on, I sanitized my hands. When I got home, my Mom threw them in the washing machine.

I still can’t wear them though. There’s toilet water stigma on them.

Brotherly Love

Yesterday night I decided to finish my Christmas baking. I had everything I needed to make toffee! The most wonderful delicious incredible toffee. So at 10:30, I started stirring the butter, sugar, eagle brand and corn syrup, it was ready to sit overnight!

Today, Mom, Corey and I all had a few peices, but it was Grandma and Grandpa, mostly Grandpa who ate HALF the pan. So I was a little shocked when I got home from work at 4:30.

After supper I went to have another peice, and this is what I saw:

Thanks Corey. I love you too.

Finally! My opportunity to dis Taylor Swift

Okay, before I get into my rant that I've been thinking about for a while, courtesy of Ms. Swift, can I just please take a moment to acknowledge those who have such intelligence and clever wit to come up with "Jengela"? Like seriously, that is awesomeness. That will also help keep us from getting confused between the other famous Ange and Jen - Jolie and Aniston, of course.

Thanks to the anonymous comment left on the Crazy Eyes blog, left by probably Heather; maybe Penny (come clean whoever you are!); this is the perfect place to launch into my rant against Taylor Swift.

Now, I know it's not a popular opinion. It's like saying you don't like puppies and sunshine and rainbows. But she just gets on my nerves in the biggest way. I used to think it was just my demographic. She isn't exactly targeted at the over 25 age group. Or over 21 even. But there are other people roughly my age who don't seem to mind her that much. My favorite XM stations lately have been 1990s and Prime Country, because they are guaranteed to be Taylor-free zones! Like, was she even BORN in the 1990s? (Okay, she was born in 1989. I Googled it.)

Arguably she is a good songwriter; assuming you like songs about boys, and falling in love with boys, and finding your true love who is a boy, and belonging to a boy, and being 15. Are you catching a theme here? I often think to myself, if I was still 15 or 17 or 20, would this music appeal to me? I mean, I get why girls like it. I wasn't always cynical and realistic. I was once a hopeless romantic too. You should see the stuff I have saved from when Grant and I were dating. But back when I was 15, the hit song wasn't some teen queen -- it was Whitney (pre-crack) belting a song written by Dolly (pre-surgery #167). Now THAT was a love song.

I know she's likable. I would just like to go ONE day without hearing her songs on every pop AND country radio station. I know lots of radio friends. Maybe they can help me. Dave? Cristy? Jeremy? Brad? For the LOVE OF GOD!! Make it stop!!

Crazy Eyes

Last night, I texted my best friend, "There’s a guy trying to dance with me but I can’t tell where his eyes are looking because they point different ways." This was her response and this is also why she is my best friend!

“Follow the one that isn’t pointing the ceiling. He obviously spotted you so it’ll probably be the eye he’s closest to you with, or go up behind him and tap him on the shoulder and see which way he turns, if his left eyes good he’s straight, but if it’s his right he’s bad.”

She followed that with, “You’re a good looking girl, you deserve better than a pirate.”

Cartwheels!

I get in trouble sometimes when I try to show off my athletic ability. Probably because I'm not athletic. And it takes a little bit of vodka for me to think I am. It's part of the "audience disease" I blogged about last March, surprisingly at the same event in Biggar... when I split my pants.

So, when deciding to do a cartwheel, which I CAN do as of 1995, there's a few things to consider:

• that your clothes will still be appropriately placed on your body
• that the cement will hurt your hand and to choose grass
• that the grass you choose doesn't belong to a dog

Failure to consider these can lead to some less than pleasant consequences for yourself, but your friends will find it hilarious!

ATTENTION!!

Dear friends who read our blog but do not "follow us" officially,

We're on facebook now too. So we expect you to become a fan. Especially if you're already on facebook. You have no excuse.

So GO! Go become a fan!!

http://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Ange-and-Jen-Have-A-Blog-Because-No-One-Will-Give-Them-A-TV-Show/100583506648051?ref=nf

Thanks, Jen

F U D Q

Picture this, Sicily 1912... No wait, that's Sophia's line! (I'm newly addicted to the Golden Girls!).

Ok, picture this, Whaler's Village, Maui, 2010:

I want to have a talk about the only place in world that has mountains of incredibleness for only 42 cents an oz.

It's better than Candyland! Candyland is actually the Nutter's bulk store in Melfort, but when we were little we'd drive by and beg for a stop at Candyland, to get bulk candy. It probably cost Dad $1 for both Corey and I, and he got to be hero-esque for the rest of the day.

It's Yogurtland.

Yogurtland had dozens of flavors of frozen yogurt, and you can blend them together and they come out into a huge one size bowl. Or you can have a few little piles of different kinds of frozen yogurt in the same bowl. The options are nearly endless.

Once you have your yogurt in your giant bowl, you get to pick from like 50 different kinds of fruit and candy, like strawberries, mango, pineapple, kiwi, m&m's, kit kat, twix! You name it. And you get to put your own toppings on. It's pretty smart cuz then you can hog the good stuff. And their employees can't screw up putting your toppings on.

I can't tell you exactly how many combinations or permutations there are because I don't remember the formulas, but it's LOTS.

Best part is that it's delicious. And that giant bowl full is about $3. And it's fat-free.

So while I stand on Ka'anapali beach and eat my Yogurtland, the only thing I can think of is how screwed over I feel for living my life for 24 years without Yogurtland. I'm also pissed off that Dairy Queen's limited flavors and toppings and too much fat and sugar cost twice that!!!!!

F*CK YOU DAIRY QUEEN

Aging might suck, but I'm still young.

For the past 4 weeks I have been teaching a the Tourism Essentials Certificate Programs which teaches employability/transferable skills. Today, my student wrote their exam. Part of my job as program facilitator is to proctor the exam.

As I was recording photo ID numbers, I realized that out of all my students or co-workers, I was the youngest person there.

Although, one of my students Brenda* (name has been changed) said she never would have guessed that I was younger than her. Thanks! Just what I wanted to hear.

I am having issues coming to terms with being almost 25. I remember when Ange was 25. Isn't she still??

Wait, she can't possibly be since she has been mistaken for my mother. Haha! That is probably one of the most awesome memories from Maui.

"Holla" to the Bubba Gumps waitress who made the mistake!!

WalMart Supercenter: You Have Redeemed Yourself

Tonight on my shopping excursions, I headed down to the same Walmart Supercenter that I bitched about horribly a few weeks back. (February 21 if you're so inclined to look it up.)

I just wanted to say that it was a stupendous trip. As Grandma would say,"I enjoyed myself immensely."

Everything I wanted was in stock. Even the super cheap double roll Royale toilet paper on sale for 4.48. Not only was everything in stock, the store was clean! The shelves were tidy! It was $92 worth of terrific! I even helped a couple who didn't speak much English pick between regular dill pickles and bread-and-butter pickles (if you're reading this nice non-English couple, I hope I helped you choose the right ones...)!

So, just thought I would point that out for those who may be wondering how my Walmart is panning out. I may sometimes pout and bitch, but I also praise and brag!

Aging Sucks.

I had my first moment of "I am too old to wear those" the other day.

I was looking at all the different running shoes in the store, and I saw a sign that said Vans, which was my favorite brand of shoe when I was a young hip teenager. Of course, they no longer resemble what I hoped they would. Now they look like the DC skateboard shoes that teenagers wear.

I picked a pair off the shelf and was struck by this feeling that I had never felt before...something like "if I wore those, I would be the crazy lady in her 30's trying to be cool"...perhaps a subject on What Not To Wear. I admit, this was the first time I ever looked at something and had it occur to me that those were inappropriate for someone my age. Sucky!

On the other hand, I had enough money to buy the leather Kenneth Cole pointy-toed pumps that I love. I couldn't have done that as a 17 year-old snot-nose kid working at KFC. I guess aging does have its advantages.

Idol is good.

I love the big stage. I never realized that I didn't like the other one. This looks like the big time now. And everyone seems better...maybe because they are doing Stones songs which are all good?

Boys Night

Lee kinda made me like that song even better than the original. Fireflies is overplayed on XM like WAY too much.

Alex was weak. And his mullet is getting way longer.

I loved Tim. I think that is my new favorite song. Written by a Canadian - Leonard Cohen - and kd lang kicked it at the Olympics with that song. And then we can have sex by the bleachers. Me and Tim, not me and kd.

Okay, now I am waiting for Adam to kick it like he did with Straight Up. (Sorry, don't know why I am all about the 'kick it' references tonight.) Grant and I both think that was kinda weird...

Casey is doing Keith Urban, and he doesn't even sound like Casey. Which is good.

The kid is having major problems. This song is too big for him.

Todrick reminds me of someone who should be on Broadway. He is so theatrical. But he is a good singer. Grant says "that was bad."

Big Mike is good, but neither of us understood the words, ...and what - Kara is crying!?! What?? Grant and I are in shock...did we miss something?

Um, WHAT?!

We always laugh about the time Grandma told Jen, "your hair looks really good, I almost didn't recognize you." ... of course, Grandma meant that in a GOOD way, but it kinda made it seem like Jen usually looks awful.

Well, tonight I did almost this same thing to my step-sister-in-law. Jaime recently lost 99 pounds. Okay, maybe she's at 100 by now, but the point is, she looks like a different person. In fact, my comment on her Facebook picture was "You look awesome. I had to click on your picture to make sure it was you." Or something to that effect. Um, what? Like she normally DOESN'T look awesome and I couldn't believe she possibly COULD look awesome?? Nice one Ange! Aren't you a professional communicator for a living?!? Way to go with that one!

I went back an hour later after I thought about that comment and tried to explain myself, like an idiot. And Jaime, being as gracious as she is, said she did not take it in a bad way! So Jaime, as I know you read this, congratulations on your achievement, you DO look awesome, and thanks for letting me take my foot OUT of my mouth!

Girls Night. Second edition.

A chance to hear what Grant and I are saying....

Katie - We both say she isn't refined. Maybe she has Down syndrome? (Grant was serious.) Grant misses Adam Lambert (or, "the gay guy from last year"). No charisma. Grant says "they both suck (Lacey and Siobhan)...and I hate Idol."

Siobhan - The judges will love this. I don't mind it, if I don't look at her. She seems too stiff.

Lacey - Grant's not sure how she made it onto this show. "She's as bad as Dolly Parton." Cue glare from me.

He left to go play computer games. So much for the blogging duo.

Katelyn - I loved last week WAY more. Didi - Great at singing and guitar. Sucky at more than that. Paige - WTF?

Crystal is good. But this is a singing competition. I don't think she's the best singer. Good artist? Sure. Ditto for Lilly. But she made this a neat version of I Fall To Pieces.

I'm not a copycat, but I want to jump on Ange's train.

I generally don't watch American Idol, but tonight I did. Here's my condensed thoughts!

Crystal - Why didn't you comb your hair? I get you were in the hospital, but now you're on tv, so grab a brush!

Katie Stevens - that was not the voice I was expecting to come out of her mouth. I was thinking she'd be more Britney/Mandy Moore-ish. She has an old voice, doesn't match the rest of the package... Call the Milli Vanilli police.

Didi - Lean on Me? Seriously? One of the MOST over-done songs ever. I hope you enjoy the extra butt hole the judges should tear you.

Katelyn - my favorite too. She sucked the least. America will like her because she looks like Taylor Swift. Even my dad knows the words to Taylor Swift, everyone, EVERYONE loves Taylor, and now Katelyn can just jump on the Taylor train.

Paige - I remember her only by awfulness, like how awful the song was when Kelly did it, even Reba couldn't fix it. I think "Walk Away" is officially dead and we can call the Funeral Home.

Siobhan - Attention: you are white, not black. They have a word for whities who want to be black. It's Wigger. I'm fairly certain that's a derogatory term, at least I want it to be when refering to Siobhan. Pass me a Snuggie, I'm starting my protest. She'll never win, America won't vote for a name they can't pronounce. She probably won't ever get a job either, because if that resume with that name came across my desk, I'd be like WTF, and shred it. How can I call her for an interview and not sounds like an ass calling her something that sounds like an anal cream.

Lacey, Lilly, Michelle, Haeley: please prepare to be cut, I could barely remember you.

Girls Night: American Idol, March 3rd edition

First, let me point out I don't watch the show live. I DVR it and watch it later, so hopefully you aren't waiting for my blog. (I don't want to keep my two readers waiting.)

Anyway, can I just say I enjoy seeing Kara's new hairdo every night. I think it's extensions.

Crystal Bowersox - Grant says she is not bad for a burnt out hippie. I am a big fan of the gospel sound, but this is boring me. I predict the judges will love it because of her health problems. Yup - four for ... four. Called that brotha'.

Haeley Vaughn - great song choice. I actually like this version better. The music is too loud for her. The end is kinda falling apart...is this because she's 16? I bet she made that hairband. I too am a big fan of hairbands. Just look at any of my photos age 8 and under.

Lacey Brown - she is NOT Stevie Nicks, so let's hope this is an improvement. Well, bad start but it's improving. Way better than last week.

I feel like all the judges want them to be Adam Lambert, changing up every song. They never made those comments last year.

Katie Stevens - good song choice. Judges will say she didn't take enough risks. I feel not as critical on the girls as I was on the guys. Randy - sweet spot...upper register. Ellen - wants to see younger...no dentist's office music. Kara - frustrated...still waiting. Simon - also frustrated...not telling them who she is as an artist. No one talked about risks. I was wrong.

Didi Benami - I like her...hard to change a song as familiar as Lean On Me - it's been redone to the max. Okay, did she just choke up? Never show your weakness!! But don't worry, Ryan is making her feel all better.

(Jen just called to ask if all these girls suck, or is it just her? It's not just her.)

Michelle Delamor - like a pre-crack Whitney. But not as good a singer. I think Whitney wore that exact dress in a video. Back when MTV had videos.

Lilly Scott - I want to push her down the other side of crap mountain. But keep the 12 string. The judges will eat this with a spoon though.

Katelyn Epperly - I just became a fan. Bonus points 'cause I love the piano.

Paige Miles - what is Simon picking off the floor? Oh, I see. He wants to run away. Me too. She is really good actually, but this song is dreadful. The band is so back-up tape too.

Siobhan Magnus - I dislike her. I dislike her alot. I don't even want to watch her sing. I have to look away. I hate her name. Shouldn't I be able to understand the words? This is a mess. Good lord help me. I would rather have a snuggie. Why are the judges loving it?

Small Towns, Saturday Night...

This past weekend, I went to Spalding. Spalding is real small.

After driving down two streets, we found all the vehicles, and of course, the party. Or so we thought... We walked into the bar thinking that with dozens of vehicles outside, there would be lots of people inside. There were 3 people playing cards and 3 people playing pool. And us.

Alicia, Krista and I thought we should have one drink, not just turn around and leave. The first thing we noticed was the fluorescent sweatshirt of the 80's inspired bartender (blue eyeshadow and pink lipstick too). We all looked at eachother and wondered if this was normal and she always dressed like this or if she was dressed up to play cards.

Sometimes in a small town, you just can't tell. It's hard to judge a mental illness from appearance. Well, harder than you'd think!

Long story - short: Party was in the hall next door, and it WAS 80's themed, but sucked. It was all hockey players and their pucks! Plus, the vodka and diet at the bar tastes like blood with a metal aftertaste.

Thanks Jillian Michaels!

I can do twice as many push ups as I did on Monday.

You know what that means, DOUBLE DIGITS!

Think of me as judge #5, if you will

To amuse myself during this year's mediocre American Idol, I have decided to blog as I watch. This way I can share my thoughts, much like a fifth judge would.

Big Mike - he rocked tonight. Kinda like a Barry White, but with muscles instead of an obesity problem. Every person who likes babies is voting for him.

John Park - he thinks he's John Mayer. He's not. I think he could be one of those crossover pop stars who is "really big in Japan."

Casey James - is not a rocker. I would cast him in a Pert commercial. Even Kara doesn't want in his pants tonight.

Alex Lambert - Grant is convinced this guy is related to Adam Lambert. He is certainly not. I think he kinda has a Paul McCartney look. But with a mullet. I am overlooking that because his voice is really smooth. Like buttah'.

Todrick Hall - if there is a God, he will kick this kid off Idol and he will go on to have a successful dance career. (Todrick, not God. Although God could do whatever he wants, really -- we're all just contestants in his Idol-life.) Anyway, there is no career for men who take women's songs, butcher the arrangement and then over sing it. Blech.

Jermaine Sellers - he was one of my faves in the auditions but is slipping down crap mountain. What is that lump on his head?

Andrew Garcia - does anyone else think of Cuba Gooding Jr.? He kicked ass with the Paula Abdul song in Hollywood week. "E" is right (that's Ellen in Randy-speak). He raised the bar and now can't seem to reach it again.

Aaron Kelly - He is so cute. Who was that young kid who almost won this thing a few years back? A smart producer would team those two up and promote their faces all over every piece of merch and bubblegum CD they can get their hands on.

Tim Urban - Okay, I admit, if he wanted to have sex behind the bleachers, I'd probably do it. But I will NOT choose him as the American Idol. Bleacher-sex-idol? Yes. Drive-in-sex-idol? Yes. In-your-parent's-basement-sex? Okay...you get my point.

Lee Dewyze - Simon is on crack. This kid is not the one to beat. He is like every other Daughtry-rocker Idol has pumped out.

Girls night tomorrow...stay tuned.

The Grandma stories don't end in Regina!

Grandma stayed night in Melfort after leaving Regina. Today when I got home from work at lunch, I visited with grandma before heading downstairs to work on homework.

Between 1 and 4, I probably went upstairs 6 or 8 times to get a pen, to get a drink, or just to go pee. I didn't think my presence was secret.

So when I changed into my workout clothes at 4, I was quite surprised when grandma said, "I thought I told you to stay at school"

I wasn't at school. I was home the whole time.